This Valentine's Day, romance is DEAD
In the small mining town, aptly named Valentine Bluffs, the villagers begin planning their first Valentine’s dance in twenty years. And prior to the big day, February 14th, the town’s young people fuel themselves with partying, tales from Valentine’s day past, jealousy plot lines, and copious amounts of Moosehead Beer. However, as the town’s sheriff soon discovers, the events in Valentine Bluffs start to take a “heart wrenching” turn for the worse.
"I choo choo choose you"
As people slowly start to show up dead with their hearts ripped out and placed lovingly into heart shaped chocolate boxes, the town officials decide it’s best to call off the celebrations, but not warn people since they wouldn’t want anyone to get alarmed. Naturally, the plan doesn’t work and the serial killer, a dude in a miner’s outfit, breathing mask, and equipped with an pickaxe; continues on his rampage. All the while, the town’s young folk decide to throw their own little Valentine celebration down in the mines – great idea!
The local Moosehead beer rep became hesitant after all the people who drank his beer ended up dead.
Now you might be wondering, who would be so motivated to go on a killing spree in a town named Valentine Bluffs on Valentine’s Day and go through all the trouble to leave his sweet little bloody calling cards all over the place. Well, it’s really quite simple.
Have a heart.
Essentially, 20 years ago during the last Valentine’s day party, there was an accident in the mines which killed a bunch of men and the only one rescued was a man named Harry Warden. Unfortunately for the towns folk, Warden went insane and killed the people responsible for the accident, the same people who were attending the Valentine’s day party. He then warned the town to never throw another Valentine’s day party again, before being promptly hauled off to the insane asylum. So you see, that’s a pretty darned good motive to be a pickaxe murderer if you ask me.
Oh my god, this is terrible... they're almost out of beer!
The My Bloody Valentine film follows your typical 80s slasher movie formula. You got your young adults who party, drink and have sex. You got your old codger law enforcement official who’s always three steps behind. And you got your seemingly invincible masked serial killer who has the ability to pop up out of nowhere. Everything falls right into place, except the difference is, it’s a Valentine horror movie, so why not?! Also, did I mention there’s a twist? No, well there’s a twist.
"You're through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!"
This Valentine horror film, despite being cliche and falling right in line with other holiday horror movies like Friday the 13th, Halloween and Silent Night, Deadly Night; isn’t bad, nor is it anything great either. The killer is kind of weak compared to other slasher movies but it’s early enough in the 80s that the movie doesn’t have the camp as later 80s horror movies would come to adopt. Overall, I give the My Bloody Valentine film 6 out of 10 nougaty blood filled chocolate boxes.
My Bloody Valentine 3D
As if the original Valentine horror movie wasn’t enough, there is a modern day remake. The My Bloody Valentine 2009 version is not only in 3D but sees a similar plot line of the original but pulls out more stops and special effects. And yet again, we are given a movie filled with heart break and loss.
Watch My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009) trailer here:
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
the ORIGINAL mbv yes yes! i loved the gore in the remake but the orig, even though it moved kinda slow, had more integrity.
kenyon,
I haven’t see the remake of My Bloody Valentine yet but I had feeling watching this version that it was probably the superior one. The problem with these made for 3D horror movies is that it seems their sole focus is on things flying out of the screen rather than a suspenseful plot line.